


Trial by Bonfire

by Mersheeple



Series: Hearts&Cauldrons Prompts [17]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Miscarriage mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:26:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25221625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/pseuds/Mersheeple
Summary: If she started a Bonfire, maybe it would warm her soul. If she waited, maybe it would keep her safe.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Series: Hearts&Cauldrons Prompts [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1805746
Comments: 6
Kudos: 59





	Trial by Bonfire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Viridiantly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viridiantly/gifts).



> I am pretty sure I am in a "write fluffy stuff and make yourself cry" type of mood...so have some fluffy angsty stuff!

The air was cool but not cold, a benefit of the season changing from Spring to Summer. The lake was quiet, lapping against the shore with a quiet rush as it was pushed by the wind. There were no tides in the lake, just the quiet push and pull of the wind. Surrounded by the hills of Cumbria it reminded her of the last time Hermione had sat by the lake. A happier time…  
 _  
That lake had been tidal, surrounded by snow capped mountains and she had sat on a beach, waiting for her new husband to light the campfire._

_“Why don’t you just use Incendio?” She had asked with a soft laugh as he had sat desperately striking two flint stones together._

_“We said no magic except the magic of nature.” He had laughed, a half-formed scowl on his lips as she had giggled at him and shivered leaning into his natural warmth. He had continued to strike the flints to no avail and eventually she had dug into her backpack, a non-expanded Muggle backpack, and pulled out a small metal rectangle._

_“How about you use this instead?” She had handed it to him and he had huffed a breath. He had opened the cap and inhaled, flicking the zippo lighter’s flint and touching its flame to the kindling._

_“Why didn’t you tell me?” He had flicked the lighter open again, closing it up to douse the flame before lighting it a third time and watching the flames of the campfire, touching the lighter flame to a second side to make sure that the fire caught. He had leaned back casually against the rock they had found to shelter them from the slightly cutting wind and opened his arms to her. She had shuffled over and laid her head on his shoulder._

_“You seemed to be having fun.” He had snorted quietly next to her and nudged her softly as she snuggled against him._

_“I don’t use it often any more you know? I’ve stopped smoking. Well…I…I had a cigarette that…you know…that day?” He had looked at her sheepishly, smiling sadly and she nodded, understanding exactly when he meant._

_“I know. I found them weeks before. I didn’t blame you that day. I wanted one too. I wanted a drink. I wanted…all the things we said we would give up. It felt…pointless that day.” They both knew what they were referring to but Severus had felt that he had to keep talking. That’s what this retreat was supposed to be about. Talking. Healing their broken hearts before it broke their marriage._

_“I never blamed you. I need you to know that. I never blamed you for what happened to him.” Severus had paused, looking down at his little wife._

_“I know. But I did. I blamed myself. If I hadn’t…I guess this wouldn’t be necessary would it? I blamed myself, you blamed yourself, but in the end, it was no one’s fault.” Hermione’s eyes had filled with tears and Severus wrapped his arms around her as finally, finally, she broke down sobbing. He had known this would come but he did not know when. He was glad it came at the beginning of their retreat so they had more time to work through it._

_“It was not your fault Hermione love. Sometimes these things just happen. There is no reason behind it.” He felt his own tears well and she had looked up at him, wiping his cheeks with her sleeve._

_“I want to try again. Severus, I know we said that was our last time but I want to try once more. Please, Severus, just one more try?” She had looked at him and sobbed harder when he shook his head._

_“Love, I can’t. I can’t do any of this anymore. I can’t handle the disappointments. I’m not strong enough. Please Hermione, don’t put us through this. I won’t survive the heartbreak again.” He was begging her and she felt guilty for asking again. It had affected him more than he had admitted._

_“But Severus, we haven’t been married that long. One more attempt…” She had trailed off as he had shaken his head resolutely._

_“Hermione, please understand love. We may have taken a long time to get married but we have been trying for a baby for years. I can’t keep trying and watching it break us both.”_  
  
Severus had apologised. Of course he had, he always did when he spoke the truth in a way that hurt. She had finally understood that it would never happen with him.

And then six months, just six short months, after their retreat to fix their damaged marriage, Severus had become sad, withdrawn, pulling away from her. She had tried to sit him down to discuss it and he had refused. And then he had left her. Just walked out the door one day without even a proper note. He had disappeared.

It had taken her six weeks to realised he wasn’t coming back. Six weeks to realise that he had left her for good.

It had taken another six weeks before she realised that she was pregnant. She had wept and howled and sobbed for days then. She had calculated it back and realised that she had been pregnant when he had left. She wondered if perhaps he had known.

That was why she was here. She had finally found out where he was. Harry and Ron had managed to track him down and now she was on the edge of the land that he had purchased under another name. Another home on the edge of a lake, surrounded by hills that, in the darkness, looked like mountains. She had lit a fire and was hoping that he would come find her. She was cold. She was hungry. And more than anything, she missed him and wanted him home.

“You found me then.” His voice broke her reverie and she had to force herself not to turn around.

“I did. Why did you run Severus?” She refused to let her voice betray any emotion, making her sound cold and brittle.

“You know why. I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t handle it again. I’m not strong enough.” His voice was soft and she held back a sob.

“Maybe I shouldn’t be here then.” She turned to look at him, the light from her fire casting shadows that made her protruding stomach obvious. She saw his eyes fill with fright as he stared at her belly. She rested a hand on it protectively and felt the gentle flutter of her baby moving.

“How far…?” His words choked off and she smiled softly at him.

“Twenty seven weeks now. Everything is looking good. The Healer says that the baby is strong. Nothing seems to be wrong. Except that the baby hasn’t got a Daddy right now…” She squealed softly as he picked her up, spinning her around in his arms gently before placing her on her feet.

“Hermione, can you ever forgive me? I’m sorry. I am so so sorry.” He murmured apologies into her hair and she nodded softly.

“I forgive you Severus. Just…don’t run away again. Come home with us my love.” She moved his hands to her stomach, letting him feel his baby moving inside her, making him certain who ‘us’ was.

“Or perhaps…” He wrapped his arms around her, taking a smooth step into Apparition and smiling as he landed exactly where he had intended. Hermione pulled back, looking around the Nursery he had built, painted in creams and greens with gold swirling loops that sparkled and glistened as the moved around in a border.

“I never gave up Hermione. I never gave up on you. On us. I just gave up on me…” His voice was warm and soft and mellow and he sounded sad. She looked into his face and smiled. She glanced out the window and watched as the wind caused her bonfire to stutter and die, curls of smoke rising from the still hot wood.

“I never gave up on you Severus. I never will.”


End file.
